Favorite Quotes!
:NOTE: if you dont get these then you are either too young, too stupid, or not paying attention. so whats your excuse!?

A Mexican newspaper reports that bored Royal Air Force pilots stationed on the Falkland Islands have devised what they consider a marvelous new game. Noting that the local penguins are fascinated by airplanes, the pilots search out a beach where the birds are gathered and fly slowly along it at the water's edge. Perhaps ten thousand penguins turn their heads in unison watching the planes go by, and when the pilots turn around and fly back, the birds turn their heads in the opposite direction, like spectators at a slow-motion tennis match. Then, the paper reports, "The pilots fly out to sea and directly to the penguin colony and overfly it. Heads go up, up, up, and ten thousand penguins fall over gently onto their backs. - Audobon Society Magazine

Americans have different ways of saying things. They say `elevator', we say `lift'...they say `President', we say `stupid psychopathic git'.... - Alexi Sayle

Americans are broad-minded people. They'll accept the fact that a person can be an alcoholic, a dope fiend, a wife beater, and even a newspaperman, but if a man doesn't drive there's something wrong with him. - Art Buchwald

An ant crawling up an elephant's leg with rape on his mind. - Oscar Wilde

A man will be a man all his life, but a woman is only sexy till she becomes your wife. - Al Bundy, (Married With Children)

A man was praying to God one evening, and asked God,

"God, in terms of the vastness of your power and knowledge, what does a million dollars mean to you?"

God replied, "A penny."

Then the man asked, "And, in terms of the vastness of your power and knowledge, what does a million years mean to you?"

God replied, "A second."

All excited, the man asked, "Well, then, can I borrow a penny?", to which God replied, "In a second." - Theodore Roosevelt (1858-1919)

1)A man is as old as he feels. But never as important.

2)A man is never astonished that he doesn't know what another does, but he is surprised at the gross ignorance of the other in not knowing what he does. - Haliburton

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. - Ernest Hemingway

1)Who needs a doomsday virus when we have Windows :-)

2)"...a long silver Kill-O-Zap gun at them. The designer of the gun had clearly not been instructed to beat about the bush. "Make it evil," he'd been told. "Make it totally clear that this gun has a right end and a wrong end. Make it totally clear to anyone standing at the wrong end that things are going badly for them. If that means sticking all sort of spikes and prongs and blackened bits all over it then so be it. This is not a gun for hanging over the fireplace or sticking in the umbrella stand, it is a gun for going out and making people miserable with."

3)A lot of schools around New York keep sending school reporters to interview me. So this girl comes over from a girls' college the other day and she says, "How old should a girl be before she goes to a prom in a strapless dress?" I said, "If it stays up, you're old enough." - Selma Diamond

1)All innovation is accomplished by lazy people who were tired of doing things the hard way.

2)All I want for Christmas is a box of Smurfs and a mallet.

3)All I want for Christmas is Santa's list of naughty girls

4)All I want is a hot woman, cold beer and unlimited power.

5)All marriages are happy - it's the living together afterwards that causes all the trouble.

6)"All of you out there who believe in telepathy, raise your hand."
"All right. Now, everyone who believes in telekinesis...raise MY hand." - Dennis Owens

All dwarfs are by nature dutiful, serious, literate, obedient and thoughtful people whose only minor failing is a tendency, after one drink, to rush at enemies screaming "Arrrrrrgh!" and axing their legs off at the knee. - (Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!)

1)A lawyer and a pope died on the same day, and both went to heaven. When the pope noticed that the lawyer had a larger mansion, he questioned Saint Peter about the allocation of rewards. The justification was "Well, we've had 265 popes up here, but this is the FIRST lawyer!"

2)Alcoholism is not a disease, it's a goal.

3)Alcohol is not a problem, until you can't get any.

4)Alex came home from a business trip to Chicago and found no one home but his daughter Rose, who was crying bitterly.
"What's the matter, darling?" asked Alex.
"Mommy almost died last night," sobbed Rose.
"That's nonsense," said the father. "Why do you say that?"
"Well," said Rose,"you always told us that when we die we'll see God, so when I heard Mommy moaning last night I rushed to her bedroom and she was screaming. "Oh God, here I come," and she would have but Uncle Jerry held her down." - P.J. O'Rourke

Ah, Blackadder. Started talking to yourself, I see.
Yes...it's the only way I can be assured of intelligent conversation. - Melchett and Edmund : Potato

1)A gossip is one who talks to you about others; a bore is one who talks to you about himself; and a brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to you about yourself.

2)A government solution to a problem is always followed by the creation of at least two additional problems, either of which was worse than the original problem which the government set out to solve.

3)A great civilization is not conquered from without until it has destroyed itself from within. - Ariel Durant

A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar. - H.L. Mencken

After a heated argument on some trivial matter Nancy [Astor] . . . shouted, "If I were your wife I would put poison in your coffee!" Whereupon Winston with equal heat and sincerity answered, "And if I were your husband I would drink it." - Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

1)A fight to the death between zombies has a few inherent problems.

2)A fine is a tax for doing something wrong.
A tax is a fine for doing something right.

3)A fool and his money are soon elected. - Walton's Law of Politics

A fella's talking to his priest. He said, "I gave up sex for Lent ... Well, I tried to, but the last day of Lent my wife dropped a can of peaches and when she bent over to pick 'em up, I couldn't help it."

The priest said, "That's all right, son, a lot of people give in to temptation." He said, "You're not gonna throw us out of church?" The priest said no. He said, "Well, thank goodness. They threw us out of the supermarket!" - George "Goober" Lindsey

1)Admit nothing, deny everything, and launch counter-accusations.

2)Admittedly, there are a lot of things that are better than sex, and a lot more that are worse; but there's nothing quite like it...

3)A doctor, an architect, and a computer scientist were arguing about whose profession was the oldest. In the course of their arguments, they got all the way back to the Garden of Eden, whereupon the doctor said, "The medical profession is clearly the oldest, because Eve was made from Adam's rib, as the story goes, and that was a simply incredible surgical feat."

The architect did not agree. He said, "But if you look at the Garden itself, in the beginning there was chaos and void, and out of that, the Garden and the world were created. So God must have been an architect."

The computer scientist, who had listened to all of this said, "Yes, but where do you think the chaos came from?"

4)A dog will look up on you;
a cat will look down on you;
however, a pig will see you eye to eye
and know it has found an equal. - Churchill

A diplomat is man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never her age." - Robert Frost

"A diplomat...is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip." - Caskie Stinnett

"A cup of your best hot water with brown grit in it, unless by some miracle your Coffee Shop has started selling coffee." - Edmund to Mrs Miggins : Ink and Incapability

"A beautiful woman is paradise for the eyes, hell for the soul, and purgatory for the purse." - Unknown

1) If you have to ask, you're not entitled to know.
2) If you don't like the answer, you shouldn't have asked. - Abbott's Law

"All I want is a warm bed, a kind word and unlimited power!" - Ashleigh Brilliant

"Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy." - Charlie McCarthy

Before you insult a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. then when you insult him you'll be a mile away and have his shoes -Unknown

you dont stop playing because your old. your old because you stop playing -Unknown

"I must not seduce Ranko. I must not seduce Ranko. I must not seduce Ranko. I must not cover her in honey, chocolate sauce, and whipped cream just so I can lick it off. I must be good. I must be in control. I will not seduce Ranko." - Sailor Pluto "All the small things"

Dean threw his arms up in the air then unceremoniously flopped face first onto Seamus’s bed narrowly missing landing on Seamus “Seamus dear just for a moment could you think with your brain ad not what’s in your pants”

"Ah, yes. The Slytherin Code of Conduct. I love that little book." Severus said, a spark in his obsidian eyes.

"Exactly. Rule Number 1) For every rule, there is a loophole." Salazar said, smirking.

"Okay, Number 14) NEVER wear red and gold." Severus said very innocently.

"Number 18) Snakes rule, and lions drool." Draco continued.

"Number 22) Slytherins are not responsible for the stupidity of other houses." Salazar said, and you could just imagine a halo floating above his head.

"Number 43) Tantrums are good. A systematic and brutal revenge is better." Severus said.

"Number 47) Some Slyths rely on their wands. Others rely on their fists. Some rely on the power of a single glance. Others don't need to rely on anything because the mere mention of their name is enough. But the one weapon no Slytherin can afford to be without is the Witty Quip. Have one ready at all times." Draco said solemnly.

"Number 48) There are many methods of achieving immortality. Fame. Fortune. Heroic deeds. Creativity. Lots and lots of descendants. However, the one you should favor is Not Dying." Salazar said strictly.

"Number 50) Hero is not a compliment." Severus said.

"Number 51) Sneaky bastard is." Draco followed up.

"Number 57) Of all the Slytherins you will ever meet, there is one you should fear above all others. And that is the Slytherin Who Still Has A Cuddly Animal And Is Not Afraid To Show It." Salazar said, a mocking glint of fear in his eyes.

"Number 62) There is nothing to fear but fear itself. Severus wisely quoted.

"Numero 72) If you're going to do something that they can hold against you, then try something else first, so you can say it was a last resort." Draco said, smirking.

"Number 75) Being vague is always better than being specific. At least you have a margin, and you're often right." Salazar said, a twinkle in his emerald eyes.

"Number 81) When all else fails, use the subtle art of sarcasm." Severus continued quoting.

"Number 83) If you're going to be loud and boisterous, the best way to do it is to be in Gryffindor." Draco followed.

"Number 86) When fishing for favors, always give the puppy dog eyes. The saps can't resist them." Salazar said, and Severus rolled his eyes. He had never really liked that one.

"Number 91) If you're going to hide the best place is in plain sight." Severus said, smirking as he thought of where that one came from.

Number 96) When they say "Fortune favors the brave", they mean that the Gryffindors only survive through sheer luck." Draco said, his gray eyes lighting up with mischief.

"Okay, Number 100) Never, never, NEVER moon a werewolf." Severus said, making Remus laugh nearly hysterically.

"And finally, Number 101) Never kiss anything that has no soul, you mightn't like the result." Salazar finished.-Harry Potter-Time and Time Again

There are two ways of spreading the light: To be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.-edith wharton

a masterpiece of logic and deductive reasoning "BECAUSE I SAID SO."

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a healthy author is a imaginitave author - quote by me

20 Reasons Video Games Are Better Than Girls

1. They come with instructions

2. They let you cheat

3. You can borrow them from your friends

4. When you go to the mall you can actually pick on up

5. They look great as soon as you wake up in the morning

6. Pause button

7. $50 is all you ever have to spend on them

8. You can always get the hottest one

9. No shower, no problem.

10. It's ok to spend an evening alone with them and a 2-liter bottle of orange soda

11. You can go on "dates" in your underpants

12. Your mom won't get mad if you're in y our room alone with the door shut

13. You get that XL pizza all to yourself

14. All you have to do to make the relationship work is find a save point

15. You can ignore them for a week withour consequences

16. Your friends can watch

17. No matter how many times you mess up, you can try again

18. If you're having problems with them, your friends will listen

19. You can actually get the ones in the magazines

20. If you get bored you can trade them in for a new one - From off one of my Shirts

"sweet sorrows are but a dream. and what am i but a dreamer that dreams a dream once upon a dream. but alas my dream upon myself is not a dream but a reality unto its own. NOW GIVE ME MY ANIME!" - quote by me

"'hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.' but to run across a woman martial artist who was betrayed scorned in a bad mood...nothing in either exsistance or the void of nothingness can save you from her" - quote by me

there are always more choices that we can make that what we can see with our 'eye'. some are plainly obvious, some we dont want to choose but there are ones that are always hidden that must be searched for. - quote by me

laugh maniacly once a day, do bring the chaos into your day

"you know you play too much zelda when you start smacking people and look for the money" - pretty sure this is my quote unless somone can prove me wrong

"do you think its possible to give a 'spirit of vengence' a wedgie? ill give you a cookie if you will try" - quote by me

if you think you know me. then call a psychiatrist quick!!! your brain has just been contaminated - by me ^_^

if you are reading this then i have found out where you live, better lock your door.